Friday, February 16, 2007
PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE OR ASSERTIVE?
I am part of a team teaching the Stephen Ministry material at our congregation. (For info about this peer-to-peer ministry go to http://www.stephenministries.org.) One of the text books is Speaking the Truth in Love (by Ruth Koch and Kenneth Haugk) which addresses how we communicate with other people.
Assertiveness is a constructive, helpful and healthy way to relate to people. In contrast, we often communicate unhealthily by being too passive or too aggressive (a third option is passive-aggressive.)
Assertive communication respects both self and the other. It considers the needs and wants of both parties, but clearly communicates the truth. A biblical mandate that fits the assertive principle is I Peter 3:15 which calls on Christians to clearly communicate ("give an answer for") the basis for the hope they have, but to do so with "gentleness and respect..."
The principles of assertive communication are crucial for healthy interaction in marriage, the workplace, with friends and in all of life. If you struggle with boundaries, fear of hurting feelings, being taken for granted, not knowing how to say "no" or "yes, but" or hesitate to make requests and often feel badly after an interaction, this book and its practical guidelines will help. It also addresses the often dicey areas of offering and receiving both criticism and compliments.
Communicating clearly, gently and, when needed, persistently won't solve all problems. All you can do is control yourself and get it right on your part. But working on our own communication skills will improve many situations that we tend to handle inadequately causing unnecessary barriers to good relationships.
Assertiveness is a constructive, helpful and healthy way to relate to people. In contrast, we often communicate unhealthily by being too passive or too aggressive (a third option is passive-aggressive.)
Assertive communication respects both self and the other. It considers the needs and wants of both parties, but clearly communicates the truth. A biblical mandate that fits the assertive principle is I Peter 3:15 which calls on Christians to clearly communicate ("give an answer for") the basis for the hope they have, but to do so with "gentleness and respect..."
The principles of assertive communication are crucial for healthy interaction in marriage, the workplace, with friends and in all of life. If you struggle with boundaries, fear of hurting feelings, being taken for granted, not knowing how to say "no" or "yes, but" or hesitate to make requests and often feel badly after an interaction, this book and its practical guidelines will help. It also addresses the often dicey areas of offering and receiving both criticism and compliments.
Communicating clearly, gently and, when needed, persistently won't solve all problems. All you can do is control yourself and get it right on your part. But working on our own communication skills will improve many situations that we tend to handle inadequately causing unnecessary barriers to good relationships.
