Friday, May 19, 2006
PARENTING - 2
Last Sunday our church's children's minister, Garry Bortz, reminded us that parents are still both the most responsible and the most important factor in a child's upbringing. In his book The Last Christian Generation, Josh McDowell paints a grim picture of Christian kids - what they really believe and what they do. His call is for Christian parents to step up to the plate. We blame the culture, but parents are 6-8 times more influential in a child's life than TV and movies and 3 times more influential than church and the youth minister.
Last year I suggested doing a class for parents of teens stressing that The Key to "raising kids who turn out the way you hoped they would" was the personal faith walk of the parents and (as a subset of that) the nature of the marriage of the parents. Our youth minister, Walter Surdacki, responded that it is his belief that a survey of the teen group would reveal that 90% of their problems have roots in those two factors.
In other word, parents, it is YOUR FAITH and YOUR MARRIAGE that most affects YOUR CHILDREN.
I believe this has proven true in our family. We raised our kids in Los Angeles and in the Bay Area of California. Our kids attended public schools. The cultural concerns of Christians are based in reality. LA is dominated by Hollywood materialism, sexuality and superficiality. The Bay Area is socio-politically on the far left of the spectrum as reflected in hot issues such as abortion and homosexuality. Our kids had teachers (both female and male) who lived with their boyfriends. And so it went.
But all three, now in their 20's, are committed in a life of faith and involved in ministries of their choosing. Two have done mission work. The third wrote my secretary to get my sermons sent to her at college where she and her roommate listened to them - something I never even considered doing when I was in college!
Parents - the challenge is great, but have faith! Literally. God has given us what it takes to meet the challenge. But we have to be honest and consider some some hard questions.
Are you completely committed ("sold out") to God and walking with him in your life? This is not the same as asking if you are perfect. This is a heart question. Is your heart really given over to the Christian life? If you are 80% committed, but holding back 20%, know that the 20% is under tremendous scrutiny by your kids and speaks volumes to them.
Kids are trying to figure out what is real. What is genuine? What really matters? What is just talk? What is worth the effort? What can I put my weight down on? In other words, what can I trust?
Your faith is under their microscope. They are looking especially at that 20% (or whatever it is) that is not fully committed and fully trusting. If you are holding back, that is what they are most evaluating. The gap between the call and demand of Christ (and your claim) verses your lived-out response is devastating to young faith.
As the youth ministry calls kids to 100% faith and commitment, if that is not true about your life, it is not likely to become true for your child.
More to come...
Last year I suggested doing a class for parents of teens stressing that The Key to "raising kids who turn out the way you hoped they would" was the personal faith walk of the parents and (as a subset of that) the nature of the marriage of the parents. Our youth minister, Walter Surdacki, responded that it is his belief that a survey of the teen group would reveal that 90% of their problems have roots in those two factors.
In other word, parents, it is YOUR FAITH and YOUR MARRIAGE that most affects YOUR CHILDREN.
I believe this has proven true in our family. We raised our kids in Los Angeles and in the Bay Area of California. Our kids attended public schools. The cultural concerns of Christians are based in reality. LA is dominated by Hollywood materialism, sexuality and superficiality. The Bay Area is socio-politically on the far left of the spectrum as reflected in hot issues such as abortion and homosexuality. Our kids had teachers (both female and male) who lived with their boyfriends. And so it went.
But all three, now in their 20's, are committed in a life of faith and involved in ministries of their choosing. Two have done mission work. The third wrote my secretary to get my sermons sent to her at college where she and her roommate listened to them - something I never even considered doing when I was in college!
Parents - the challenge is great, but have faith! Literally. God has given us what it takes to meet the challenge. But we have to be honest and consider some some hard questions.
Are you completely committed ("sold out") to God and walking with him in your life? This is not the same as asking if you are perfect. This is a heart question. Is your heart really given over to the Christian life? If you are 80% committed, but holding back 20%, know that the 20% is under tremendous scrutiny by your kids and speaks volumes to them.
Kids are trying to figure out what is real. What is genuine? What really matters? What is just talk? What is worth the effort? What can I put my weight down on? In other words, what can I trust?
Your faith is under their microscope. They are looking especially at that 20% (or whatever it is) that is not fully committed and fully trusting. If you are holding back, that is what they are most evaluating. The gap between the call and demand of Christ (and your claim) verses your lived-out response is devastating to young faith.
As the youth ministry calls kids to 100% faith and commitment, if that is not true about your life, it is not likely to become true for your child.
More to come...
Sunday, May 07, 2006
PARENTING - 1
My baby turned 20 yesterday. I have no more teenagers at home! Parenting milestones are cause for prayers of thanksgiving. The basics begin with every parent's prayer to live at least long enough to get the kids raised and out on their own. We wrestle with the thought of "who would we want to raise our kids if we both die?" And in our case, we changed our minds several times over the years. Thank you, Lord, that we lived to get our kids through the teen years.
I remember at one point joking, only partially, that the goal of raising three girls was to get them through the teen years drug-free and not pregnant. What a sad commentary on the state of our society and families today that the bar is often set so low - and even that can be hard to achieve.
As I look around the Christian community, I see two extremes:
1. Parents who are literally scared to death and exert tight control on the kids, perhaps unwittingly communicating a fear of the world around them. The danger, of course, is producing kids who either lack confidence to engage life and handle the tough challenges, or who , on the other hand, rebel against the restraints, break relationship with the parents and throw off God in the process.
2. Parents who are too focused on work, money and achievements (even for their kids) that they neglect a genuine rooting in the faith. Those kids often drift away from God in the late teens or early 20's.
There is a middle ground that I want to explore and has proved healthy in our family experience.
I remember at one point joking, only partially, that the goal of raising three girls was to get them through the teen years drug-free and not pregnant. What a sad commentary on the state of our society and families today that the bar is often set so low - and even that can be hard to achieve.
As I look around the Christian community, I see two extremes:
1. Parents who are literally scared to death and exert tight control on the kids, perhaps unwittingly communicating a fear of the world around them. The danger, of course, is producing kids who either lack confidence to engage life and handle the tough challenges, or who , on the other hand, rebel against the restraints, break relationship with the parents and throw off God in the process.
2. Parents who are too focused on work, money and achievements (even for their kids) that they neglect a genuine rooting in the faith. Those kids often drift away from God in the late teens or early 20's.
There is a middle ground that I want to explore and has proved healthy in our family experience.
