Thursday, June 29, 2006
PARENTING - 5
First, believe it or not, having a home "devotional" time or family worship time is not essential. It can certainly be a good thing. But I must confess we never got that pattern down in our family. In fact, we rarely did it.
But we had lots of conversations at the dinner table about God, life, church, values, lifestyle, friends and their mistakes, news articles that illustrated good or bad choices, principles that make us healthy, and the like. I am convinced that such "natural" teaching moments are more effective than a formal or ritualized devotional time. The import of such conversation is, once again, that the parents have to actually be living a convicted faith which then becomes obvious in those converstations. That impacts kids.
Have the devotional time if you choose to, but be sure it is your heart that is speaking spiritual principles rather than only rotely relaying a "lesson." But by all means, share your faith in its daily working out in life situations and choices.
Second, pick your battles. Not every battle is worth the price of victory. Yes, you can win the battles and lose the war. As parents we have had to bite our tongue and imperceptibly shake our heads at times, instead of pressing an issue and demanding our way. Maintaining a loving, trusting, healthy relationship while allowing some mistakes has been our choice.
Raising daughters, there have certainly been clothing issues. We didn't always win that one. But the one with whom we have been most concerned about in clothing choices, calls nearly every day between classes from college in another state because she wants to be in touch and she misses us. It is in the context of that kind of relationship we have influence to win the important battles. And yes, being a minister there are people who would have preferred we fought harder on some of the battles, but our first priority was what the child needed.
Third, know how to say "I'm wrong" and be willing to apologize to your child when you use bad judgment. Parodoxically, nothing protects parental credibility more than an admission of mistakes. It is a matter of integrity. Your child knows you're wrong. Why deny it? You can't fool a child. But you can lose his/her respect. I think the times I have apologized to a child for jumping to a conclusion or over-reacting have had a profound effect.
There is no magic formula for raising a child to turn out the way you hope, but having a genuine faith that is lived out and communicated in myriad, daily, natural ways will get us a long way down the road. Lift your children up in prayer and ask God to use you to answer that prayer.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE VOWS
It is my pleasure to share with you the vows Aaron and Christy made to one another at their wedding.
My aunt once gave me three rings. These rings symbolized the Holy Trinity and are inscribed with the words “true love waits.” When she gave them to me, I wasn’t completely convicted as to what they meant. Since knowing you, Aaron, I understand that what the rings are really saying is “true love waits on God.” You faithfully waited on God to change my heart, and He showed me how He longed to work through us as a couple. I waited on God because I was afraid to open myself, and trust you, and God gently taught me how perfect love casts out fear. We waited on God for His perfect timing to decide to join our lives together, and He took His time to mold us into a fuller understanding of what it means to love, and love sacrificially. I know you are the man God had in mind for me when He knit me together, and waiting on Him to provide has brought me more joy today than I knew existed. Aaron, I want to give you my three rings, because you are what I’ve been waiting for. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. I love you Aaron. And I am proud and blessed to be your wife.
It is my pleasure to share with you the vows Aaron and Christy made to one another at their wedding.
My aunt once gave me three rings. These rings symbolized the Holy Trinity and are inscribed with the words “true love waits.” When she gave them to me, I wasn’t completely convicted as to what they meant. Since knowing you, Aaron, I understand that what the rings are really saying is “true love waits on God.” You faithfully waited on God to change my heart, and He showed me how He longed to work through us as a couple. I waited on God because I was afraid to open myself, and trust you, and God gently taught me how perfect love casts out fear. We waited on God for His perfect timing to decide to join our lives together, and He took His time to mold us into a fuller understanding of what it means to love, and love sacrificially. I know you are the man God had in mind for me when He knit me together, and waiting on Him to provide has brought me more joy today than I knew existed. Aaron, I want to give you my three rings, because you are what I’ve been waiting for. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. I love you Aaron. And I am proud and blessed to be your wife.
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Christy, I love you more than words can say, you are my one and only, the one God intended for me and the one I prayed He would bring me.
Here today I stand before God and all the people we love and hold dear to pledge my love, my life, all that I am to you….and to make these solemn vows.
Christine Marie I vow to:
hold you when you hurt
bring gentleness and compassion to pain & strife
protect you against all harm, though it cost me my life
cry with you in sadness
laugh with you in joy
take your burdens and carry them as my own
Grow in Christ Jesus our Lord, that we draw closer to the heart of God
Let God’s will guide my thoughts, my heart, and my will in all things
And I vow to make my goal to love you as Christ loves the church and to never stop striving for that goal.
With all of my being I pledge these things to you that my life may bring you comfort, joy, protection, peace, and the love you have always sought.
For as long as God gives me breath my life is yours.
Friday, June 16, 2006
PARENTING - 4
Authenticity and priorities as revealed in the little details of daily interaction are incredibly significant. Our local paper reported a study in which preschoolers pretending to shop for a Barbie doll's social evening were more likely to choose cigarettes if their parents smoked, and wine or beer if their parents drank.
Dartmouth researchers observing the children's play found that the ones who watched PG-13 or R-rated movies were also more likely to choose alcohol for Barbie. A 4 year old girl chose Barbie-sized tobacco in the pretend store and said, "I need this for my man. A man needs cigarettes." A 6 year old boy offered the doll cigarettes and said, "Honey, have some smokes. Do you like smokes? I like smokes."
Parents who watched from behind a one-way mirror were surprised by their children's choices.
(San Jose Mercury News, September 6, 2005)
That last line is the most shocking one to me. How could parents be surprised? Of course our conduct, values, language, choices and actions will be mimicked and learned by our children! How could anyone expect otherwise! But we want to rationalize and deny the obvious truth in order not to hold our own feet to the fire.
How do you talk on the phone at home in a business conversation? Do your children hear a lie or a bending of the truth? Do they hear you tell the person - client or boss - one thing and when you tell your spouse about it you say something different? What attitude about people do you communicate? Do you use them, have little respect for them? What about your attitude toward material things? Do you get more upset over a hair cut/coloring than over things that should matter? Your kids are listening and watching.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
PARENTING - 3
One of my daughters dropped out of college. Her intent was to return to college after a year or two, but, of course, such intentions don't always pan out. It was and certainly is my hope that she does finish her degree. (And I'm glad she is enrolled for this coming fall.) But when she quit school - one where it is not easy to get in and over which she sweated whether or not she would be accepted - I had to face the question "What really matters?" For instance, at that same period of time, if you called her cell phone and got her voice message you would hear at the end "God Bless."
Which was more important if you had to choose? A daughter with a college degree or a daughter who says "God bless?" What is your real goal for you child? Is it a living, vibrant faith and walk with God? Is it a college degree? Is it a professional job? A certain income level?
If you had to choose between a living, vibrant faith and walk with God versus some other desired outcome what would be your choice? Are you sure of your priority? What dominates your conversation at home?
