Randy's Ruminations

In the previous post on Parenting and Church I referenced the importance of modeling. One of the most important things the church body can model is a Christian wedding. The following were my comments surrounding the vows of Bethany and Danny.

The vows of marriage ask of us one basic question. As a human being, can you absolutely commit to one other person in this life? Can you commit to this one person through all the trials of life? Can you truly put one other person before self? The commitment to come together and stay together in marriage is the biggest commitment one human being can make to another.

Today you make your vows before God, before your mate, and before these witnesses – people who love and care about you.

A vow is a sacred profession of intent, commitment, and promise. It is the heart of what marriage means. For many the vow of commitment is a huge step, a great unknown, a promise like no other. It is so big that many in our culture no longer get married – others mouth the words but don’t mean them.

In your case, keeping these vows is no huge step. Your fulfillment of these vows is not unknown, for you have already kept them. You have already demonstrated your faithfulness to each other long before you even met, for at ages 31 and 26 you have kept yourselves, your deepest self of sexual oneness, for this person and this occasion. A vow is only as good as the one professing it, and you have proven yourselves good for your word.

You have both already kept vows to become God’s person, to live for him, to prioritize you life and resources according to his purposes, in harmony with his heart. In this moment, we call you in the context of your marriage and homelife to keep on, as the apostle Paul wrote to one church, “Do so all the more.”

So with joy, confidence and celebration you make these vows today.

God has brought you together as two strong people from homes where you were loved and which have modeled life-long marriage. He has blessed you with churches that are supportive (as witnessed today). To use one of Jesus’ parables, he has given each of you 5 talents of resources so there is every hope, dream and expectation that you will grow into a 20 talent marriage and home. As such you will be part of God’s witness in the world - as Jesus said, a city on a hill, a light shining in darkness, salt that brings God’s flavor to the world.

Our awesome God who brought you together will not forsake you, but will WOW you with grace as you lean on his guidance, understanding and love.

Neither will the people of God forsake you. To all of you assembled here today, I ask you to affirm your support of this new marriage. As you have heard these two people exchange vows of commitment, you are not mere spectators, you are witnesses. As witnesses I ask you to pray for, encourage, mentor, counsel, and support Danny and Bethany as they fulfill these vows in the years to come. If you agree to do this please say “I will."

I am compelled to add this appendix to the Parenting posts. I have stressed the importance of genuine, communicated faith in the home on the part of the parents. But the family's church experience is also critically important. There are healthy churches and unhealthy churches. There are churches with authenitic leadership and churches with woefully inadequate leadership or leadership that doesn't ring true.

We have been blessed with a healthy church and church leaders who reinforce personal, deep, sacrificial, shepherding faith for our kids to see. Kathy and I were commenting to our kids about how fortunate we were to have elders that are personal friends and care about individuals. One of the girls responded that she didn't feel close to them.

So Kathy asked her to imagine she was seriously ill or injured in the hospital. "Who would you want to come see you?" And Kathy started naming elders:

"Billy?"
"Well, sure."
"Gordon?"
"Of course."
"Browning?"
"Oh, yeah."
And so on...

Her eyes brightened as she realized that she really would want those church elders to be there because they were important in her life after all.

Another of our daughters got married two weeks ago. As a couple they had an elder and wife pray a prayer of blessing over them in the wedding because that elder couple had done their marriage counseling. There is a strong connection between her and that elder couple.

As a minister for a church I am for church loyalty and sticking it out in tough times. But if you are parents of children still at home and you do not see authentic Christian attitudes, character, heart and speech in your church leaders, I urge you to seriously consider the effect that staying in that church will have on the faith and church involvement of your kids later in life. I advise you to start searching for a better spiritual environment for your children.

Sure, people use a bad experience as an excuse at times. But don't underestimate the damage bad modeling does to developing children. It is such a devastating reality that Jesus pronounced one of his very harshest condemnations on "anyone who causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin."