Sunday, August 26, 2007
LOOKING FOR A MATE
Recently an adult who is not married asked me for a suggested list of characteristics or traits to look for in a potential mate. Here is my reply.
It is important to keep in mind the principle of balance. Some of the traits listed below can be a problem if not balanced by an opposite trait. For instance, self-esteem and confidence vs. humility. Both are very important. Self-esteem and confidence alone can make one dominant and insensitive. Humility alone can make one afraid to express a need or desire or stand up against a wrong.
1. A genuine, active, serving faith in God.
2. Commitment and ministry in a healthy church.
3. Intelligence/interest in the world around us.
4. Honesty, integrity.
5. Financial realism and maturity
6. A basic contentment, happiness or joy in life
7. Kindness. Treats waiters, clerks, etc. kindly
8. Responsible, dependable. Fulfills obligations/promises
9. Charitable toward the poor, disadvantaged
10. Forgiving
11. Communicates in order to express needs and desires and to understand the other person’s needs and desires
12. Able to handle disappointment
13. Patience and self-control
14. Socially appropriate, makes others feel comfortable, appreciated
15. A sense of self-worth and confidence
16. Humility; a sense of being a continuing learner
Of course no one is going to perfectly fulfill all these traits, but I would suggest that if someone is significantly lacking in an area, that deserves special attention.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
COMPLEX SYSTEMS
Life is complex and complicated. Why is it that there is often one way for everything to go well and achieve the desired result, but multiple ways it can go wrong?
I thought about this on a recent trip. Four of our family made a trip to eastern Canada to see extended family. We flew on three different flights on two different airlines from two different cities. All three flights were scheduled to arrive in Detroit within 13 minutes of each other. And that actually happened! We were amazed. There were so many ways things could have gone wrong.
(The only glitch was that one of us arrived at a terminal 1 1/2 miles from the other three of us and we had no idea where she was. Thank goodness for cell phones.)
But the return trip was a different story. Fortunately my wife and I made it trouble free and on time. But for one daughter her first flight was delayed. That made her miss her second flight. There was no later flight to San Jose. She ended up being the last stand-by passenger on the last flight to San Francisco - arriving 3 hours later than planned at the wrong airport...with no luggage. Her luggage turned up 3 days later.
Another daughter was on the first leg of the trip home with my wife and me. We arrived at DFW on time, taxied almost to the gate only to find that another plane was stuck at the gate with mechanical trouble. We flew a 1,000 miles on time, but the last 100 yards took 30 minutes. This made our daughter almost miss her second flight - and she, too, arrived with no luggage.
We know that complex systems depend on thousands of variables working within fairly precise tolerances. Any problem along a whole chain of sequences creates trouble. A squirrel can get fried in Canada and plunge NYC into darkness.
What is more complex than human lives? Much like the host of physical systems that sustain our physical bodies, we have a host of spiritual, emotional, psychological, and social and relational systems upon which a healthy, productive, fulfilling, God-intended life depends.
No wonder we need HIS guidance and empowerment! The world sends so many conflicting and often wrong messages. We are mis-led by selfish desires and short-sighted wants. We truly don't know what to do. Even with God's word, we are often tempted to think we know better.
We may be able to see that many people mess up and the world is a mess, but it still takes faith to trust God. Read Psalm 119.
